Like every home or space that needs revamping or a healing or beautifying touch, our inner self too I guess needs beautification from time to time; needs cleansing from time to time. And yet how many of us really get out from the entry table decor to rectify and beautify something that is the very essence of our living. My room looks beautiful. But I need cleansing. And I have realized that. My inner self needs putty, sanding and a fresh coat of summer sorbet maybe. ‘coz i have long since ceased to be the girl I used to be, chasing behind the perfection of my table cloth. I will not be afraid to rectify. I will not be afraid to confess.
Replete with materialistic growth and arrogance of all the goods that are happening to me, somewhere, somehow I didn’t realize that every day I was ceasing to be the person I was and the person who people love. Every little good thing was taking me away from the grounded girl I had always been. And today, when someone I really care about told me, “i love you for who you were. I’m hating you for who you are becoming”, my whole world crashed. I was angry, I was sad, I came home with a headache, but I realized that it was not that person who was lying. I was lying to myself all these days thinking that I’m becoming a better person. And when I looked down, I got glimpses, snap shots of the girl I used to be and she seemed nothing like who I am today.
Today I set on a new journey within to conquer all the holes that has been forming in this wood. I will recognize them, fill them with putty so that they don’t let the rest of it rot, sand it down to a surface that is clean, sparkling and homogeneous, and then give it a coat of goodness, that can radiate and bring joy to others.
I remember asking my sister as to why i was born. Her reply was, so that you bring joy to all of us. And that is what I’m going to do. that is who I was. I always was.
Keep me in your prayers. I really need God’s help to take me back.